“Your sweetest smile, for me, for her and for them”

I stood up on the dream floor. I was aware that I had thrown away into my deepest sleep. In this part, I was standing up on the black bridge. Seeing the sun tried to move in and out. I thought it was breaking dawn, but the blue birds twittering there. I did not understand what this dream mean, but I seemed to be uneasy to go back to my real word, to go out from this black sleep. I was aware that I was being trapped in a dream, but I still enjoyed in feeling it.

            I continued my way. I was crossing the bridge with my feet, although the bleeding nails disturbed my steps. I found you there, beside the brown big tree. You, with the hand full of blood needed any help from anyone who met. I was standing by you. I asked who are you and you are only smile. I was not surprised. I still looked at you and waited for your mouth opened for saying a word. You still kept smiling. I reached your hand, tried to wash your bleeding hand with my water inside the bottle which I took from my brown bag. I seemed to be forgotten that I also had the same bleeding thing, my bleeding nails. Because of your smile, the beauty smiles which I never seen, I forgot my pain.

I got closer to you. Day by day I tried to meet you in that tree, at the corner of the bridge. I enjoyed this dream so much, although it took much times.

---***---

“Oh God, I have to go to campus”, my word surprisingly. It was almost 7 am and I still woke up on my bad. This was my first day for going study. Those holidays seemed to be my darkest days. I could not meet my friends, I just stayed at home without any work to do, and surely because I could not meet you. You are a man who had disturbed my sleep. You seemed to be real.

I stepped my feet on the high land, up and down without any purpose. I tried to get the branch of retiring old tree. I met the colony of bees flying over the old tree, reached the sweet honey on the top of it.

“God, I am late for going to campus but I still remember that dream..? Hemmm….” I said with a smile, the smile of yours. I entered the classroom then. I saw you on the chair, at the corner of square cream building called classroom. You smiled for me, like the same smile in my dream. Surely I understood that you were handsome because of your smile. Hash, what I was dreaming of!

I sat down on my own chair, my eternal chair in my cream classroom. I never wanted to move because this was mine and I never agreed if anyone stole it from me. My chair was like you. I never wanted you being stolen with others, not even for her. Yeah, I ever met you with her. You always spread out your smile for her, the same smile with your eternal smile for me. Once again I felt so upset down. I leaved you with the cry.

My lecturer was over. I did not want to gather with my friends because I wanted to go home soon. My brain was full of trashes and I had to clean it soon. I tried to forget it with writing a poem. But my poem was about you although I did not want it too. I tried to sleep but I still being remembered by your smile, your sweetest smile this morning and also at my last dream. How fucking this feeling is!

---***---

You, always with your smile came to my place. In the dark rainy night and the light of thunder accompanied you for a while. You came to me for bringing the box full of hope. I received it with much gladness. You, always give me surprise thing. But, why I was being trapped into the sadness? Ow, what the hell is this!

I closed my eyes for a while. I tried to forget all of the pain. I wanted to far from your side. I did not want to get your smile again. I ever heard from the others, that you ever or even give your smile for them, the red apples on that corner tree. I did not want that. And I never wanted that.

---***---

Humm, today was fairy tale. It was only my dream to reach every side of you. We are different. I never got close to you. You, with your smile, for me, for her and also for them

A rainy night, October 9^th 2011